Dan is probably going to kill me for this post…but hey... Its a part of our journey :) If you are not wanting to read a little bluntness on a not so talked about topic STOP READING NOW! Or if you want a little humor (well Dan might not think its so humorous)…continue! LOL
Dan's Christmas Present this year was his Vasectomy. Oh Joy for him. I know I am still prego however Dan has already had a couple surgeries earlier this year so we were trying to be cost effective on deductibles. That combined with he has some time off to recover and we were certain we were NOT having more than two kids. I have clients/friends who had their third "Accident". That will NOT BE US! Unless of course the Doctor did not do her job properly…but she assured me there would be question of paternity if I ended up pregnant again…whew. LOL
This entire process has had me giggling. Which is entirely not fair to Dan…and its really not on purpose. Its more the fact that it is uncomfortably awkward that I can't help but giggle. Its not that I am trying to be mean…PROMISE. But seriously…Lets start at the beginning.
The CONSULT. Well I insisted on tagging along to give support (ahem…I mean to provide the giggles). We had asked my OB for a recommendation on where to go and any good doctors. Dan called the location and said any doctor would do…and he got "stuck" with a female. He seemed to not mind…well he kinda minded but decided it was too late to change I guess. I think this began the awkwardness. I know some people don't care what sex their Doctor is…but for me…I wanted ONLY a female doctor and would have thought Dan a male doctor. I think he preferred that but again….he didn't speak up so he got what he got. On a side note anyone else find is a little funny that a female chose THAT as her profession??? (giggles). So I show up a few minutes late due to parking being a HUGE pain and my prego waddling takes me far too long to get anywhere. Dan has already been chatting with the doctor so I missed the bulk of it. Instead the first thing she says is "You are just in time for the pass out test". Ummm What? My husband is going to pass out? Oh yes…She is going to fumble his nuts and see if he passes out. Umm….You are going to WHAT? And you want me to keep a straight face while this is happening? You.have.got.to.be.joking! She says that men have a tendency to pass out when touched in their "special areas" Great. Just what I wanted to hear.
Now women….when we go to the doctor there is some sense of "privacy" before the invasion right? I mean they leave the room we undress and put on a nightgown. Its all pretty silly considering you are soon going to be bearing all. But I guess it makes us feel better right? So knowing this I would think the same thing would happen right? Dan would undress and put his nightgown on and then she would do her ummm fumbling? Right. NOT. Instead she says alright lets get started. Dan stands up and DROPS HIS DRAWERS. Now lets just say its a good thing I was getting a full view of his bottom with it blocking the doctor and the "fumbling" because there was no way in HELL I had a straight face. First I was stunned…Then all I could think about was the fumbling and my view. Oh yes…My hand covered my face while I held in the giggles. It was torture for me…and I can only imagine how Dan felt. HA HA! Lets also point out it was a good thing he didn't pass out or he would have landed on me. Poor planning? Don't you think laying him down would have been a little better? Nothing like a 200 lb man landing on his prego wife. Yeah that would have been awesome. Thank you hubby for taking it like a champ.
I held the giggles in until we left. Whew. But once out of the office I couldn't stop them. I really think it was more embarrassed giggles…again I promise I did feel bad. It was just AWKWARD!
THE PREP. I didn't think there was much prep but they sent Dan home with a paper with all the information on what to expect pre and post surgery. He chose to read it aloud to me. Now Im not sure what he was expecting but me almost peeing my pants? Prob not what he had hoped for. Although it made the situation a little more humorous. First up…Balls must be shaved. Uh huh. Well I kinda knew this from other people (don't ask why I was discussing shaved balls with anyone). From my knowledge a nurse would prep him for surgery….in other words shave his nuts. Yup you read that right. A professional ball shaver. okay not really…they are nurses but still (GIGGLES). Well for some reason he was told to shave his own nuts. I debated asking if we got a discount for that? ha ha ha. Poor guy. Cant imagine that was the most fun thing…and my giggling did not help. Next up ejaculation. OMG…I just typed that. But its true. The paper says must ejaculate 10 times before we can be sure his little spermies will not do any damage. Now at this point my laughter is at peeing point. This will be fun. Uh huh. Then it states that he has to give a sample to the doctor after his 10 to make sure all is well. All I can think about is him in a room ummm….yeah…..They give you magazines for that? Pretty sure wives are not allowed? OMG!!!! giggles…giggles…giggles. The rest was pretty standard and normal…no lifting, take it easy etc. My tummy already hurt from the laughs so thank goodness that was it. Whew.
THE PROCESS. "We" survived the consult and had him booked for Dec. 27th. Two days after xmas. Oops. Sorry Honey. He didn't seem nervous or let on that he was. Me however…I get nervous for invasive anything for weeks before its going to happen (Months on childbirth…ugh). So I was also nervous for him. I was handling it pretty well until we got to the actual office. Then my nerves really did kick in. There was no way in hell I could go in and hold his hand or the passing out would be from me. So instead I stayed in the waiting room. Here is Dan distracting himself while we waited for him to get called in...
Dan Harlacher they called. Okay honey…smoochies I said as he failed to give me a kiss on his way. Embarrassed? Or nervous? But he forgot :( My nerves certainly had taken over and my tummy was ill. I know…its a simple easy procedure…but still…I was nervous for him.
Lily was with me so we hung out in the hall for a bit while we waited. Here is a CUTE shot of her waiting for daddy...
30 minutes later. I get a text. All done. Be out in a minute. Ummm….thats it? 30 minutes? Okay. Then he sends me a photo. One I will not be sharing. But showing the blood. Some of it that is. NOW WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU SEND ME THAT! Lets make the wife feel even worse and make her pass out. I sit down and breathe. He's fine. 30 minutes was all it took. I look up and he WALKS OUT. Now I think I was expecting him to be in major pain…out of it…and wheel chaired out. Right. Nope. He comes out with a brown bag and a half a smile. We survived. ha ha ha ha. Oh and the brown bag? Yeah…that has a cup in it for an ummmmm sample :) Oh yeah. GIGGLES. (thank god its not an in office "sampling" whew) Dan said it wasn't too terrible…one side was worse than the other. And the doctor had some what of a sense of humor while she snipped him (I guess ya gotta if that is your profession). Felt bad that he had a toddler and a prego wife at home so he wasn't going to get enough TLC. Well…Im doing my best. I do remember childbirth and no matter if it was worse or not I get the icing the ouchies…the hard to walk and the soreness. Im thankful his will be short lived and he only has to go though it once. He is already feeling a bit better which is good. The hardest part so far is keeping Lily from climbing on Daddy. She loves him and does not understand that he is hurt. Here is a photo of her reading to Daddy trying to make him feel better...
And lastly…I have to share this photo. Lily did this a few days ago. I think she knew Daddy was going to need a bandaid? ha ha ha ha
Husband…don't kill me for this post! You were a trooper…and I am thankful you had this done! LOVE YOU!